An explosive sound woke me up at 6 a.m. I thought a war broke out nearby. But it turned out to be firecrackers. It was the day that locals of this area celebrated a festival every seven years to bless their indigenous god, who preserved the area. My hometown, which is far away from here, has a similar god and festival but they never use firecrackers. For some crazy reason, locals here cracked them every hour on the hour all day long, and I jumped at the loud noise each time. I believe the indigenous god also jumped for disturbance rather than for joy…
My partner felt unfair about the way Epson dealt with the recall of my computer. After a series of phone calls to complain and negotiate, he got a satisfactory solution. A free repair will be completed much more quickly than I expected, therefore, my complicated data and configurations for our new song are intact. Just in case, I made more backups. During the work, I couldn’t stop smelling smoke. Of course it was imaginary smoke, which came from my fear that the computer might catch a fire at any moment. What a small, nervous human being I am…
A letter came from Epson yesterday. I use a desk top PC of Epson exclusively to work for my music because the CPU load and the size of data are huge. The letter told me to stop using my computer right now, or it would cause a fire. Yes. It is recall. I’ve using the computer with no trouble at all for six years. As I’ve written here before, our new song is about to be completed. The rest of work is to record chorus and to mix down. And now, they told me to disconnect the computer and send it to the factory. Why now? What’s this? A joke?
A small plane was landing on a runway. Beyond it was a blue ocean with white wave crests beneath a cloudy sky that was beginning to be cracked and show a glimpse of the blue sky with a ray of sunlight. That was what I was gazing blankly at through a glass wall of the lounge over coffee and vegetable juice at the small local airport in Japan. Then a thick rainbow appeared from the sea surface toward the sky. It didn’t arc but stretched upright like a big pillar. I hoped it was a good omen.
When I faced financial difficulty and my income decreased sharply last year, I was resigned not to be able to afford a trip ever again. But as it turned out, I have taken a trip much more than I had ever done before in a year because the Japanese government subsidized to save the struggling travel industry so that I could enjoy a hotel stay with a minimal amount of money by using the benefit. I am such an unprincipled person who willingly make use of a bill when it comes to benefits while I usually criticize the government. And here, I was having a good time at the exclusive lounge for holders of a credit card with a premium status that I obtained by the credit card company’s promotion for first-year-free membership. Of course I am going to cancel the card within the first year during which I make the most of it by taking advantage of free stuff as much as possible. My decreased income hasn’t improved at all, yet I manage to hang onto my life persistently although it seemed all over one year ago.
I used to be sulky all the time when I was a child. I would constantly grumble and complain to my parents and they frequently asked me why I couldn’t be thankful for anything even a little bit. I still don’t know why I behaved like that, but I certainly had been discontent with pretty much everything as far as I can remember. It could have been nasty meals, could have been a tense atmosphere living with my grandparents, or could have been pressure from an unspoken rule to become a successor of the family as a firstborn. In any case, I was simply surrounded by what I didn’t like. Although my family was wealthy in those days, I didn’t find anything to be thankful for as a child.
I remained the same in my twenties. I was filled with anger everyday though I managed to leave home and live on my own as a musician instead of succeeding the family. I had craved for fame that I couldn’t get no matter how hard I tried. I bore a strong grudge against major record labels and the Japanese society as a whole that wouldn’t appreciate me. I couldn’t see one single thing that I should be thankful for. Everything in the world looked hostile to me.
Now I got old and thankful for being able to continue to do what I want to do for my life while I still have neither money nor fame. I have learned that one can find a way to live somehow unless one loses oneself. I finished my last glass of free drinks after so many glasses of it at the lounge while seeing a small plane blasting down the runway and taking off. I left the lounge with my partner and headed down to the airport lobby with the escalator. There, I found a gigantic Christmas tree against the backdrop of a beautiful twilight sky out of the window. Watching the glittering Christmas tree, I felt blessed, and thankful as well.
Thankfully, my pain subsided. I couldn’t sleep soundly though, because I awoke every time my knee touched the bed when tossing. It still hurts when my knee brushes inside my jeans. Less pain gave me room to think about why my fall had happened. Everything happens for a reason, right? Before I fell, I was thinking about work of the day. Because of the fall and the consequent pain, I couldn’t work. That means, I deduce, I have been going forward my work too fast and I should hold it up. It took two years to record vocals alone and six years have passed altogether since I started to work on this song. How can I possibly work any more slowly? Which means there is a different reason? Only thing I came up with was to change the place where I put the bathroom scale that I fell from…
Yesterday’s accident gave me pain and took away my working time. I couldn’t possibly concentrate on working with that kind of pain. I postponed the work and spent the day quietly just scrubbing the kitchen sink. Today, I felt much less pain in my knee and elbow that I hit on the floor. But, the muscles of my arm ached. I was worried about that I may have hurt my arm when I fell. Then, an idea suddenly struck me. Come to think of it, I ate a persimmon three days in a row, that I seldom do. I fear a knife too, and when I peel fruit I am under extreme tension. The muscle ache appears to result from it. Peeling fruit inflicts more pain on me than falling…
Everyday I weigh myself on the bathroom scale first thing in the morning. This morning, I lost my balance and fell hitting hard my knee and elbow on the floor. By the way, I am very timid. I fear pretty much everything in the world, and breaking bones or feeling pain is one of the worst fears. To be honest, I thought I was dead at first. Then, I found myself alive with pain. And, I thought I broke somewhere. I was lying on the floor gulped by the fear for a while. But thank God, really, nothing was broken in spite of the great pain. As it turned out, I got only faint bruises. Did my extreme fear boost the pain? It was such a horrible, painful experience. It still hurts…
The goal of my OC marathon is drawing near. I watched another three episodes of ‘The O.C. Season 2′ today. They were about Ryan’s brother. I have a younger sister with whom I don’t get along at all. After a number of unpleasant incidents over the years, I’ve developed a terrible relationship with her. I don’t even talk to her anymore. When we were kids, I took care of her because my parents were busy with work. I looked after her carefully, teaching her to have fun, but she has grown to be a proud and prim adult, and, above all, to be my parents’ favorite to live with them in my hometown. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong with her. And I know they wonder vice versa, what went wrong with me…
My OC marathon is going on. I watch three episodes of ‘The O.C. Season 2’ every night before going to sleep. PCH often appears on the show. Before I lived in OC, I had visited there as a traveler. First time in OC, I transferred a local bus at the entrance of Balboa Island on PCH. There was nobody but a man wearing sunglasses at the bus stop. He talked to me about the bus being late. As a person who fears everything, I started panicking with bad imaginations. What if he is a serial killer? I’m wearing cheap clothes but he must know I’m a traveler and have traveler’s checks. Isn’t this a perfect place for murder with no buildings or people around and just the bush behind the bus stop? I was about to be sure I would be killed here by this man, when he began to rummage through his big bag. Now I was more than sure it would be a gun. My fear culminated when he held out something to me. It was a pack of biscuits. “I got three packs for a dollar! Good deal, huh? Take one, I’ve got plenty!”, he said, and the bus came. He was just a kind, friendly man and I was a paranoid traveler. Those were the best biscuits I’d ever had…
Hidemi Woods 